Brendan Peveril . net

I thought that, rather than trying to come up with some kind of a post that makes sense and might be entertaining to read, I’d slap up the first page of script for a few comics that ought to be upcoming.

This is the first page of The Time Traveller, the first comic for A Deeper Shade of Gone. I swear, it gets more interesting than this.

7 panels. 3, 3, 1

Panel 1

Show me a filthy alleyway, piled with garbage.

No speech.

Panel 2

The same, with a point of light forming in the middle.

Still none.

Panel 3

The point of light has formed into a man, surrounded in light hovering just over the ground. I really don’t know how this ought to look, so just give me something awesome.

Nothing else.

Panel 4

The light has largely recceeded and the man is slowly falling to the ground.

See a pattern?

Panel 5

The man (our time traveler) is collapsed on the ground, vomiting.

Almost finished with the page, here.

Panel 6

The time Traveler is standing and dusting himself off.

Okay, this is it. No speech here, but get the bubble wand ready.

Panel 7

The traveler is on the street now, hailing a cab.

Traveler: Taxi!

Aren’t you excited to see that illustrated?

This next excerpt is from another Gone story, entitled The Derelict until someone suggests something better.

Page 1

Six panels (2, 3, 1)

Panel 1

A close shot of the corporate transport “Gilgamesh”, centred on the name plate. It says “Gilgamesh”, of course, with a long shipnumber that includes some random Japanese and Russian characters with the corporate logo of “Nautiloid Industries” logo on the side.

Panel 2

A longer shot of the Gilgamesh. Show me what you think a spaceborn personnel transport should look like first and I’ll laugh at it and make you draw another one.

Voice over (Billings): It seems like I spend most of my life asleep now. I guess that’s the soldier’s lot in this age, spending most of his life packed on ice, hooked to a machine, body kept barely alive until he’s needed, until there’s killing to be done.

Panel 3

A face shot of Billings in his suspension tank. His eyes are closed. His skin has a blue grey sheen, like a corpse (if you’re doing this in colour).

Voice over (Billings): They say we’re supposed to feel nothing while we sleep their drugged cold sleep, but while I’m asleep I have the dreams. I dream of some other time, a time for warriors.

Panel 4

Some sort of futuristic computer screen, all floating green shit and, I don’t know what. Just show me what you think a computer screen should look like in THE FUTURE! This little information dump is going to be a little ugly, but right in the centre like this, I don’t think it will be too bad. It’s displaying the following mission briefing:

Mission briefing: Fill this shit in, douchebag!!

Panel 5

This is the same shot as panel 3, only Billings’ eyes are totally open. Creepy!

Voice over (Billings): But, when their sleep is over, when I’m awake, I’m a soldier again.

Panel 6

The Gilgamesh is leaving. Show me a ¾ rear shot with the flizashing thrusters. All told, even though I did the layout in my head a few months ago, this is a pretty page.

Cementing the fact that I don’t want to use The Derelict as the title is the fact that I’ve written another story I’m calling The Derelict 2/Exploding Girl, not because it’s a sequel to this one, but because it also involves a derelict spacecraft.

Here’s another Gone story. I swear to freaking God that, overall, it’s funny.

Page 1

Plain old nine pane grid (3, 3, 3)

Panel 1

A brutish farmer type (Mr. Harper), rough of feature and dress, is carrying a lumpy, burlap sack away from himself a bit.

No speech.

Panel 2

A close shot of the sack.

A few speech bubbles from the sack: mew mew

Panel 3

Over the farmer’s shoulder (from behind) we see a bubbling creek.

No speech

Panel 4

The sack is floating in the creek. One kitten is struggling out the mouth of the sack.

Mr. Harper (from off panel): Damn cats.

Panel 5

The kitten is standing on the bank, dripping wet. We can see Harper’s boots in the background.

Kitten: Mew!

Panel 6

One of the boots is kicking the kitten into the water.

Harper (off frame again): Back in there, you!

Panel 7

Shot from across the brook, over the children’s’ shoulders. Mr. Harper is walking away.

Harper: Damn cats.

Panel 8

The children are kneeling on the bank next to the sack, which has washed up on the side at this point. One of the boys (Peter) is touching the loose kitten, and the girl (Millie) is holding the sack open and looking inside.

Millie: They’re all dead.

Panel 9

Pull the shot out a little bit. The children are looking at each other, and Death is standing behind them. Death is tall, so we can only see the bottom half of him in the frame.

Darren: Why did Mr. Harper kill them?

That was difficult for me to write. Believe me. In the end it’s funny, though, trust me.

Last one, here. This is the first page of the upcoming Not as Much Fun, pseudo manga about dating and relationships.

Page 1

3 panels (1, 2)

Panel 1

A long shot of Mitch’s apartment building. Show people in several of the windows. Mitch is looking out his window, forlornly. Nadia is making out with another girl right next door. Somebody is sitting with their legs hanging out their window. Show me a party in another room, lots of people standing around holding drinks. There’s a fat naked guy watching TV in another room.

Voice Over: Everybody’s heart gets broken sometimes. But, when it happens to you, you always feel alone, like there’s nobody else who can understand your pain.

Panel 2

A shot from inside now, of Mitch looking out the window at the rain.

Voice over: So alone…

Bradley Skils (off frame): When’s your mother coming over again?

Mitch: What?

Panel 3

Brad, holding a bucket of “Tasty Fried Chicken.”

Brad: Isn’t she like taking care of you in your time of need or something? You’ve got no good food left.

Mitch: That’s not stopping you from eating what I’ve got, is it?

Brad: Should it?

Mitch: I think she’s coming tomorrow.

I decided to write this one because I was getting tired of writing Gone stories. Not as Much Fun is the anti-A Deeper Shade of Gone.

Anyway, that’s all for now. That should keep you busy for a few days (that’s a joke, because I know that nobody’s reading this page).